The unwritten dating rules of young men and women in Juba
1.A girl must be so brown and shining like mango, with tomato lips. This is why toxic bleaching creams are hotcakes in the market because some girls would rather sleep on an empty stomach than buy these creams. Funnily enough, some end up with brown faces and black legs like half-burnt firewood.
2. Another notion is that a girl should be tall. This forces the young women to put on high heels and walk like giraffes in Savannah deserts. Even ‘Makur Chek-boys’ who cannot pick a cup from the cupboard also want tall girls, as if they found a giraffe and a goat hanging out one day.
3. There is also this notion that a girl who eats their money “must be eaten.” It is as if they eat their motorcycles or generators to consume their money on diesel. A Facebook user known as Akuach said clearly that some men in Juba are so hungry that if a girl asks just for a bottle of water, Dakow must be given. Does it mean that those who give money to such boys ask them to lay down first? Pathetic. I don’t know what the hell makes me think naughty.
4. A girl must post them (the boys) on their birthdays; failure to do so, they are dumped. When someone posts the sisters of such reckless boys on Facebook, they get jealous and walk around hunting for the boyfriend with their owl eyes like a frog that someone has stepped on it. Why would someone like to expose someone’s daughter and hate it when it is tit for tat?
5. Engaging in unprotected sexual intercourse is normal but if pregnancy is involved, the girl sadly bears the responsibility. A poet called Madit warned young people that ‘don’t come from the village and start playing football without wearing socks’, but they didn’t listen. They even denied that when they met, the Nile was not flowing and that the resulting crops don’t resemble their dispersed seeds in the garden.
6. A girl must send something, either a number, nude photos or share password—to show love for the boy. At the end, such boys with their childish behaviour and merciless hearts expose an innocent girl if they quarrel or break up. That is why sexual harassment and exposure are common in the country these days. I don’t know if someone would be happy if they saw their sisters or aunt’s private structure on social media. They don’t care how shameful and damaging such immoral pictures and videos are for the victims, their relatives, and the community where she is from.
7. A girl must hug, kiss or sleep with the boy to confirm love. If you find them during wedding parties, you will think they are already married, mingling anyhow with lust, that you would even think they are getting arrested by police, everything is wrestling and by force. In the old days, my friend, it takes month for a girl to accept a dating proposal, don’t talk about “Haragan Tulba” or Apongdit as they nicknamed as if their last born. It is not like these days when a girl and boy meets online or on street and after two days, requests like “Can we meet at Pyramid (boy) and I don’t have money to make my hair, send me 100 USD (girl) should be exchanged. One hand going and another coming is their hidden slogan.
8. Their two front soldiers must be standing straight like Twins Tower. But if they are seating then that is when some girls finally look for houses to sit because it remains milk source for kids only, not for attractive or beauty and dignity. Though not forever, they should be standing on parade for sometimes but some disrespectful boys behave like earthquake and hurricanes; just touching and shaking every standing thing till they collapse.
9. A girl must have an attractive body that is defined by figure-eight and Mountainous behind looking like Jebel Kujur, I don’t know if they want to climb up to their future. Every bachelor and married man could be cheating their girlfriends and wives just because of having “don’t you like what you see” buttocks which they immorally baptized as Nyash. TikTok and Facebook are filled with the girls displaying their artificial bodies on cameras and mirrors of every hotel just to increase the rate of crushes and weaken the fellow girls’ beauty.
What girls think and want (Girls Rules)
1. A boy must at least look brown, with muscles, a handsome face but not just like a Chimpanzee in tropical rainforests. Where will the ugly ones go? Don’t they deserve to have their taken ribs by their sides?
2. A boy must also be tall like Equatoria Tower, not too short like Mouse Lemur. A boy should not be tall for nothing who hits and runs, and cannot even cut a raw mango for a pregnant girlfriend
3. A boy who wants to do anything romantic must give a girl something materialistic. It is all exchange or names it barter trade, a picture with airtime, a visit and hug with transport refund, a kiss with birthday Sponsorship and “Cubayah Eve” sipped with an iPhone, that’s tit for tat.
4. A boy who is rich and handsome must not ignore a girlfriend; he must put on FB story and wish her during birthday for other girls to get jealous.
5. A boy must be normal, lazy, or local according to the specifications of the girls. A boy should be famous and on top of every headline in either Business, Sports or Entertainment industry, such that a girlfriend cannot struggle to introduce the boy; they need that one whom they be like “Wow, the tallest basketballer or vocalist is your boyfriend!”
6. A boy must have something on his hands and in his pocket. There must be a key, either for a house, big office; more especially for a car or at least for a motorcycle to give her a lift. But the heart-breaking thing is that the motor-rider is later called a Bodaboda guy when a girl is questioned by her Sugar Daddy.
7. A boy must be over-romantic, fearless, manner-less, and act like a woman, this proves he is an entertainer or day-maker. As long as he has money, famous and handsome, his manners, lifestyle, and goals in life don’t matter to the girls, they wear nose and earrings like women, painting lips like the walls of J1 just to look handsome. They even call them Baba or King, does a King dance from one party to another without studying, working or doing anything for his life, that of the family, community, and country at large?
8. A boy must send something valuable especially the SSP3,000 airtime for the girl to call her mother or father who doesn’t ask her where she gets the money when they (parents) don’t give him, all lies, they exploit innocent boys but just end up calling the boys they love and pretend to be boss ladies. A boy must fund a birthday party of his girlfriend like an NGO project at one of the 5-Stars Hotel in Juba, failure to do so, a very horny old man can just sponsor the whole night with oil money and chews the little girl.
9. A boy must be physically fit, that is why you see every gym space full of Kanyama-looking gentlemen who walk like they can catch and kick Satan. Most of them are jobless and living in ghettos not because they are poor but because they believe that physical looks can qualify them to dredge daughters and wives of some generals and tycoons and drain their jaasilanat (purses) to survive on.